Dealing with a relationship breakup or divorce is one of life’s hardest struggles. Why do some people move on quickly while others hold onto every cherished moment regarding their EX? A lot of this depends on how the breakup was handled and how long you were together.
Your relationship ended for a reason which is difficult to process in the early stages. It does get easier I promise; but in the meantime, here are a few things that can help you to heal and eventually move on to the next chapter of your life.
- Take some time away from communicating with your Ex to really understand what went wrong, what you learned & how to improve upon yourself. There are ALWAYS two sides to a breakup. Knowing that you also played a part in it will bring you “closure” faster. Talking to them or constantly seeing them “in person” just makes it that much harder to get over them.
- Do not jump into another relationship right away! You have to heal your heart before you can give it to someone else. (It is also very hurtful for the rebound partner because you still have too much emotional baggage to involve someone else into the mix!)
- Concentrate on doing things you wanted to do but couldn’t do, when you were in your relationship.
- Join clubs, take courses and go on a vacation or weekend trek somewhere. Get your thoughts in a positive space and not in front of the TV watching chick flicks & binging on junk food. The first 3 months is the hardest and then each day gets better after that.
- Don’t drown or eat your sorrows away: Women tend to cry alone at home while men get out boozing it up right away with their buddies.
- Sex with someone too soon can make you miss your ex even more so be selective when you decide to be intimate with someone.
- Put your energy into “you” (& the kids if you are a parent) not into finding another partner immediately. Being healthy and looking & feeling good is the best way to move forward. You will be surprised at how much better your mindset is when venturing out for a walk in the sunshine, hitting a yoga/fitness class or hiking in the wilderness. Nature is also a beautiful way to help erase the sadness in your heart.
- Get rid of romantic pictures of the once happy couple and memories that cause pain and any social media connections you have with your ex. Do not start “creeping them out” on Facebook or Instagram to see what they are up to and how much fun they are having without you. It will only make it harder to get over them & some of those photos are just an act anyway!
- Remember that they loved you once so don’t think the breakup is easy for them either ~ they just might be better at faking it than you are.
- Don’t make excuses as to why you can’t do new things to alter this new phase in your life. The more diverse you are, the less time you will have to be angry, sad or resentful.
Tips to help you to get back out socializing after a big divorce/breakup
- Wait at least 6 months before you take dating in a more serious mode & do not make any major living arrangements with a new person for at least a year.
- Get off your couch! Prospective dates aren’t going to knock on your front door! Buy a dog or borrow one if you need a push to get out in public. (Walking a Great Dane or a puppy of any variety would certainly get you noticed!)
- If your friends have left you along with the breakup/divorce, you will need to find some new people to enjoy outings with. Join groups that interest you. I can’t stress it enough to put yourself out into mingle situations constantly! It cuts the breakup blues in half!
- I do suggest you try online dating when you are ready to get out there again but ask someone to help you with your profile & the “initial weeding out” of unsuitable prospects so you have a better understanding of what to look for. Do not join expensive dating sites!
- Try not to continually cry or vent to your friends about your breakup but be receptive to their advice and help should they offer it.
- Don’t be fearful of altering some things about yourself. Diversity and change is the key to leading an exciting life!
- Loosen up! Especially, if you are a control freak or a stickler for a repetitive routine. (It is much nicer to be around people who are flexible.)
- Have a mini makeover! You may be stuck in an outdated or boring style. Does your hair scream 1980’s or does your wardrobe consist of sweatpants & big girl panties from Costco? Change it up! If money is an issue there are numerous consignment stores to choose from that will not break your budget.
- Take time away from your career or your kids once in awhile for just “you!” Do something that you love. Burying yourself in tedious tasks to pretend that you’re not in pain is prolonging the breakup aftermath.
- Hire a dating coach if you feel lost on what to do. Even just a few sessions will help you regain your confidence in being newly single.
- Remember you are not alone. Breakups happen every day and there are plenty of online resources to help you deal with the ache in your heart. Help is always available; don’t be afraid to ask for it.
Take the good things from your past marriage/relationship breakup & bring them into your future partnership down the road. It is important to remember that each lesson we learn is a stepping stone that teaches us many things about ourselves. Every one of them has its purpose!
Acknowledging them and how they helped you grow as a person will lead you closer to a long lasting love and knowing who you truly are.
Relationship breakups don’t define who you are and can be a really good thing because it forces you to look deeper into what you may not have been aware of about yourself.
Love is the most valuable gift that we all are blessed to have at our fingertips and is available whenever we are ready. Once you understand that you are the one in charge of bringing the love you desire into your world; the sooner you will realize that every step you took on that road to get there, was worth the bumpy ride.
Believe you deserve love; because you do!
For more relationship advice see Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show