In 2015 we faced a choice in our family, to continue on with our marriage or not. After a lot of talking, seeing someone and being true to us, we decided that after 17 years we were going to call it quits. We made a choice, to be together as husband and wife or not, we choose not. There was sadness, some tears and a HUGE relief on both parts. I will say we talked more about ending our marriage than we ever did about starting it.
So we decided that as a couple we are not going to continue on yet we have two amazing boys and they are our priority. So what are we going to do? Again we talked a lot about different options, we go a lot of advice (some we asked for and a lot we didn’t) and we have chosen to do things differently.
Now that we have the relief of not being a couple we have become good friends again and let’s be complexly honest, we have been roommates for years and it works for us. So what we have chosen is to be a family. To stay together in our house for now and raise our kids together.
We are lucky, we have a suite in our house so Dan moved downstairs, the boys saw this and asked some questions and we answered whatever they asked honestly and they rolled with it. For now, it is the best of both worlds, we parent together yet we are separate. The biggest change in our house is that the pressure, the tension, the stress of having to be a couple is gone.
We have our own lives, we do what we want yet we also still do things together as a family. I have been told on many occasions this is not the way you do it yet I was never one to just follow what others told me to do. Our kids are happy, they get the best of both of us now that we don’t have to worry about being a couple.
I know that people may not understand our choices or approve of them and I don’t care. We have had many puzzled looks, weird silences and we have heard more than once – this is not the way you do it. For us, this is the way we do it and this is our choice.
This works for us for now. I know we are very lucky as anger or hurt is not part of the narrative. We can be together as a family and our boys are secure in the knowledge that we love them and we are both here. I have never been the one to take the easy way, so we are changing the face of families. You can too. Be the family that works for you.