Is The Grass Greener On The Other Side?

Do we ever consider why the grass on the other side of the fence “seems” greener? Is it the grass?

In my opinion, it has nothing to do with the grass, it’s got everything to do with how much watering you do on your own side.

What I can’t understand is how some people don’t even hesitate to jump that fence.

I spoke to someone today that is going through the pain of finding out that his wife has been having an affair. Of course, for every wife having an affair there has to be a husband or man having an affair. A sad scenario! My heart went out to him.

I wanted to share this with you because I understand the pain that is involved in finding out that someone you have loved for many years now chooses to jump the fence (or maybe even does it over and over again). Sometimes it’s not even because they think that the grass is greener, sometimes it’s just because that is the type of person they are and they will always be chasing something for some reason.

But let’s start at the beginning

We fall in love and it’s the most amazing thing in the world.  Everything is exciting, everything is brighter.  The passion, the attention, the emotion and the adventure that you are on when you fall in love. Amazing! So what is love?  We believe we love the other person but how do you know that this is love in the beginning? Who says it’s not just lust and we want to believe its love because it makes us feel so good.  But if you think back you had those same feelings for the person that you are now cheating on – well what happened?

Let’s look at this crazy thing called love.

What is love?

Love is not a thing, you can’t touch it.  If I say to you “I love you” it has nothing to do with you.  This is my emotion, my feeling towards you.  I have developed it into something that I express and I call it love – I love you.  How? Because I have seen you in a way that I want to see you.  I like the things you do and how you are with me because I have chosen too – you didn’t make me like you or love you – I did it on my own, it was my choice, my decision. You being yourself obviously contributed to my decision to love you.

If your partner feels the same emotion towards you and says “I love you” –a bond forms where there is a common denominator and that is LOVE. But love doesn’t define the person, your characteristics do and if you are a cheater you will always be a cheater unless YOU make the change.

Can you say “you forced me to love you” or “you made me love you” or “it’s your fault that I love you” – no, you can’t say this….So love is actually you’re doing.

So where am I going with this?

When two people have an incident in their relationship, say one of them has an affair.  Let’s say you have an affair. You can’t blame your partner for this.  You make the decision, you make the choice and you know what you were doing every step of the way.  You know the consequences and yet you still decided to do it. You can’t then say: “I had an affair because you didn’t pay attention to me” or “you don’t love me like you used to” or “it’s not the same anymore” What BS!

Greener At Forty FiveIf you REALLY love someone then you wouldn’t want to hurt them in the first place.  Yes your love changes, everything changes.  We get older – that’s change.  Our likes and our dislikes change, constantly.  Your opinion changes. So why can’t you accept that love also changes – this doesn’t give you the right to jump the fence.  And if you want to keep the romance, the excitement and all the good feelings, the same as when you met each other then you need to keep ‘watering’ the grass.

You can’t expect the grass to stay green if you don’t water it

If your lawn is dry, what do you do? You go to the gardener and ask him why are you letting the grass die? Then, you go out and buy some lawn fertilizer and cover your lawn giving it lots of water. Not so?

So why is it that as a couple, we can’t discuss this before one or the other jumps the fence to greener pastures?  And when you jump that fence do you really believe that the grass is going to stay green and you won’t have to water it over on that side? Of course, you are going to have to water it – it’s the same shit just a different day.

If it’s lust you are missing, if it is excitement that you are missing then you need to talk to your partner…. you know…. the one that you fell in LOVE with.

Don’t hurt each other.  If you believe that you truly love the person that you are with, how can you want to jump the fence? Get that fertilizer and start giving your lawn water and you will see that in no time the grass is again green.

The secret is

COMMUNICATION – Communicate more with each other. Tell each other what is missing in your relationship.  Tell each other what you feel, how you feel.  Women are famous for NOT saying truthfully about how they feel.  Communication is the medicine to make thing better, it’s your fertilizer.

and next is,

TRUTH & TRUST – these two things go hand in hand.  If you are not truthful then how can you be trusted?  If your partner knows that no matter what, that he or she will always hear the truth from you –how can they not trust you and vice-versa.

Do you make it easy for each other to be truthful with each other? Most times not. There are people who just don’t want to hear the truth and I believe that this stems from insecurities.  They would rather put their head in a hole and hope that the problem goes away. Then suddenly attention floods in from someone else ….and they jump the fence.

Do you say what you feel?

How many women do you know who actually say exactly how they feel? Not many.  Why do I say this? Because if you ask a woman how she is and the answer is “I am fine” then men, for those of you reading this, you should know that she is nowhere close to being fine!

And how many men do you know who actually say how they really feel? Not many, because they are too scared that they might rock the boat….it’s better that they just keep the peace, so we won’t tell the wife that we went to have a drink at the bar.

You see I am not blaming one or the other I am saying, work on being truthful with each other.  There will be times that you hear something that you don’t want to hear but look at it this way, at least you will know what you are dealing with and you can fix the situation rather than try and fix a crisis.

My wish for you

Is to feel free with your partner, to say what you really want to say, to love each other and not hurt or disrespect each other and to bring back that excitement by seeing what you saw in your partner when you first met him or her – you did it once, you can do it again.  You don’t need to have affairs, jump the fence or crap on your own doorstep. What for? You have to clean up the mess soonerGreener At Forty Five or later as it always gets out, that you can count on!

I wish you love.

Ann Marot
Ann Marot Contributor